I rarely write on this blog. So I figured I had better breathe a little life into it before it dies completely. But really the reason I decided to say some stuff here and now is that I wanted to vent, just slightly though, because my new motto for the last couple weeks is HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY, no matter what. So unless I hear some crazy sad news that directly effects me in a very negative way, I'm happy. :)

Now on to the venting (not bitching) part....okay I was interrupted just as I was about to say what I intended to share. The funny thing is I was going to say how when my daughter's with the other grandparents for the weekend like she is right now and I have nowhere to go and no plans so I'm just hanging out at home, I really just want to be left alone. And as I sat here about to say that, I was not left alone. My mom came to ask if I was depressed. She said I looked depressed earlier when I came home. No, I'm not depressed. I'm just wishing I lived elsewhere so when I was alone, I could really be alone. I love my daughter and other people close to me, but if they aren't around I don't mind sitting at home alone reading, doing housework, listening to the radio, watching a movie, whatever. But I really don't want to be forced into conversations I have no interest in being involved in in the first place. I know I sound way harsh right now but it's just because I lack personal space here. I need some space. BADLY. I never needed this much space when I lived with either of my ex's or my roommate. But with parents it's somehow different. I don't mind when my daughter comes in with me and we just hang out, that seems right. But this situation is choking the life out of me.

Okay, I vented and I feel better. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!

So today is Labor Day. I try to be a good American, but honestly I couldn't tell you the actual difference between this day and Memorial Day. I'm sorry! I know I should be patriotic and supportive on both days, and I try to be, so I hope that redeems my lack of attention to the specific meaning of each of those two holidays. That being said, I had two pieces of apple pie today! Holidays seem to give us (me for sure) a license to eat however much of whatever we want. I had a hot dog, some potato chips, some Pepsi, and the pie! That is out of control, so luckily I have until at least my daughter's birthday in about 5 weeks before I may be eating so badly again.

Now that I have set up the day, I will add that I spent a few hours at a cook out at my aunt's house. And here is where the day took a turn that required me to blog. There was a relative there, a cousin of mine, who was out of control. He is roughly 26 or 27 years old. He has no job, no social skills, lives at home with his parents, and knows EVERYTHING in the world. No seriously, just ask him. And you know where he learned most of EVERYTHING? The internet, of course. So you know EVERYTHING is very reliable information.

For instance, he told of 9/11 being an inside job and that it was missiles, not planes that hit the towers. I was trying to be quiet during all his rantings, but at that missile comment I had to speak up, and I said, "I don't buy that conspiracy, I was a grown up at the time it happened and I saw the second plane hit the second tower on t.v." I realize there are things manufactured for t.v. but I don't believe the planes hitting the World Trade Centers were anything other than what they seemed. He also mentioned how titanium won't melt at a certain temperature, blah blah blah. I nearly laughed out loud. I said, "I'm not a rocket scientist." And he sort of chuckled and said, "Well, I...." And I finished the sentance he left hanging with, "...am?" And everyone sort of laughed because he learned everything he thinks he knows from other internet cooks. He said he researches these things. Yeah, on the internet! From other wackos that write whatever they feel like writing. One of my aunts leaned over and commented at one point that he needs a volume button. He was so loud and nutty sounding. He is the kind of person that makes those of us who LEGITIMATELY question the government look and seem crazy. Not cool, not cool at all.

I am sitting in my bedroom at 6:11pm on a Sunday evening in August. I am 31 years old, and in a couple of weeks I will have a birthday I am not really looking forward to celebrating. I spend very little time pondering how I got where I am because if I think on it too deeply it can get really depressing. I wonder about my future and if it will resemble in any way a life I ever envisioned for myself when I was young.

I should be putting away some laundry right now. But obviously I'm not. I'm procrastinating. I had a good day today. I went to a park near the lake and walked a long trail with someone I can appreciate spending time with. Life has been pretty sucky for the last few months. Actually, it was sucky for a while before that too, but I just figured that's life, and you deal with it. I'm kind of in that frame of mind now too, about just dealing with my mess of a life. But since I have a decent job that I like, and I've been feeling a bit happier lately, I'm thinking maybe things will go in a positive direction. Maybe? Please?

I guess a blog is like a publicly viewable diary? Makes sense. Of course I will be much more guarded than I would be in a private diary. And I will try harder to be funny because that's my thing. Some people rely on their beauty or brains to measure their self worth, not me. I am short on both those things, so I look to humor. I probably fall flat in the funny department most of the time, but I guess it's not how successful I am at being funny that counts, it's how successful I think I am that matters most.